MY FIRST TIME

Well it was my first time and I hadn’t expected it would be so soon. I mean, after b’day parties as an afterthought I somehow knew that I was drawn to it and that I would inevitably turn to it one day but that it would be so soon I didn’t know nor expect. Not that I didn’t think of trying it but then I always used to think what if my relatives come to know of it. I wouldn’t be able to match eyes with them. And I also feared what if something happened. You know the kind of campaigns that they do on DD National that it disrupts family life and brings disaster afterwards. I also feared that I may not be strong-willed enough to resist it further.

Well it all happened because of a moron. My friend Ashu had done some job and had cashed some cool 12k bucks so we asked for some treat. Well as a simple boy, I just asked him to take us to a good hotel and have dinner but there was another friend of ours Vikash, who wanted a treat which as if hasn’t yet been given by anyone in the hostel. Then I saw nature’s conspiracy in pushing me towards the inevitability. It had to be one day and it was today. I tried to resist and said, “bas tu saara time yahi sochte rahiyo, saale tharki, bewade!” He replied “aur tu saara time bachcha hi bane rahiyo”. As you would all understand it was now a matter of aukaat and how could he call me a bachcha. After all I am also mature, I also see porn like him and how can he call me a bachcha. Moreover so many in the world live with it so I can resist it too! In 5 minutes my ego had thrashed all reason. So I said, “chal saale itna hi akad dikha raha hai to aaj chalte hain aur dekhte hain aaj kaun sabse der tak maarta hai”. He too retorted, “dekhte hain!” Then we sought an experienced senior Maddu since even Ashu was not experienced at this and was having qualms of morality. I gave him the same reasons and assured that today it will be Vikash who will be the loser. Maddu asked each of us if we are ready to take this step since later he won’t take the blame for spoiling us. But he was actually trying to scare us and we were determined to end this imperfection once and for all. So we went out, took an auto and reached South-X when it turned in some lane and stopped under a dark building. I was rather weak by now and wished to go back but going back was getting a stamp of bachcha for all the four years, something which no one can afford. The auto wallah was smiling and we were too. We paid him and he went away. At this Maddu said, “tum bachche log chalo main sutta lekar aata hun. Iske bina maja nahin aata”. Bachcha again, this was now insult and I told him, “nahin tu lekar aa tab chalte hain”. But to be honest I was scared, first because I had never visited such place earlier and I could see two bulls guarding the front gate, what if they turned me back telling me that I was not the “age”. Maddu laughed, “psyche kyun hota hai, thik hai lekar aata hun. Waise bhi woh 2 saand jo khade hain bachchon ko andar nahin jaane dete”. Then he laughed harder and proceeded to buy some sutta. He shouted from there, “oye KT! Tum sab ke liye bhi chahiye kya sutta?” Well there was nothing I could say no to today. I asked my co-mates who were now surprised at the change I was showing, and then shouted from under the dark shade “haan 9-10 le le!” He offered one to each of us. (As I had prepared myself for it) I took one and lit it. I know there are some who boast that when they tried sutta for the first time they took the smoke inside the lungs, I am quite sure they lied. I simply couldn’t. I was a bit warm and had made me uncomfortable. Vikash said, “ abe! khaans le ham kuchh nahin kahenge kisi se!” I said, “don’t kid me you bastard! You only keep the smoke in mouth and then expel it. G**nd mein dum hai to meri tarah andar lekar dikha.” With all such fight we reached the entrance. The bull, as I still prefer to call him, gave us an eye and then my senior appeared. I think they knew him for Maddu joked, “inka pahli baar hai.” He laughed and said, “sabhi ka kabhi na kabhi to pahli baar hota hai par fir sab laut kar aate hain. They all come back!” So what all I was thinking of resisting it after one try was all fart. But now I had come too far, there was no going back. After we had settled uncomfortably in one cushion and Maddu like an experienced senior had done some talking to some person, he came back, smiled and sat down and said to us, “don’t go by the colour, saari mast hain yahan par. You will have a very nice feeling afterwards.” Vikash jumped like a kid and said, “saala KT aaj baada uchhal raha tha pahle yahi shuru karega!” Definitely I couldn’t say no. Then a door opened and there she was with a male escorting her and trust me had Maddu not cleared I would have run away seeing her. She was all black and when the male had gone I was looking at her and thinking how could I take her. I won’t tell you about the remaining preparations since they are too embarrassing but will surely mention that I was really scared. I heard Vikash chuckle and say, “kya hua fat gayi?” Then Maddu said to me, “koi nahin yaar pahli baar darr sa lagta hai. Koi nahin ho jaa shuru.” Then I don’t know whether it was long suppressed wish or frustration I plunged in, picked the bottle of beer and finished it in one gulp. I drank like there was no tomorrow and had such a nice feeling that I couldn’t come back by myself; I had to be picked up by my friends and brought to hostel. Surely I had to come back again!